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October 2011 Soul's Journey

my road to divinity

Touch it. Experience it. Own it.

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I know this journey is not really a road. It’s a place I already am, just not fully awakened to yet. But it feels like a road or a path to me. The road to my Divinity takes many forms. Sometimes it’s like a lane on a farm where the ruts are so deep that it’s difficult to change course. Other times it’s a very scenic highway that is so amazing it can take my breath away. Some days it’s like driving through the Lower 9th Ward in New Orleans, where all I can do when I look at the deterioration, decay and broken lives is to let go of the helplessness and trust that God is there. My favorite road is the expressway, flying like the wind with the windows down and the music cranked, feeling like my body can’t contain the exhilaration. My Soul’s Journey has many roads. Many roads taking me Home.
 

As I have continued on this journey, a new road has presented itself. A road less traveled. All the familiar reference points aren’t there. There are no places to pull over, no places of safety when the storms come. The road behind me is rolling up and disappearing and I can’t see the road in front of me. I just have to stay in the moment, breathing in and breathing out, trusting that the fog will lift and that I will eventually know where I am going. This road asks me to trust, to put aside all illusions about what I thought was true, to open up to the Truth of who I am. Because I can’t see any signs, I have to go inside for answers. And I am being guided in wonderful ways.
 

Along this road I had an awakening. I heard a voice softly whisper, “remember… remember.” All the times before, I thought this was the voice of loneliness telling me there was something wrong with me or that there was something lacking in my life. I hear now the voice of my Soul, that part of me which remembers the sacred communion saying, “Remember, you are more than this. You are never alone.”

On the road to my Divinity I discovered that even though I drive away, I never leave home. It’s always within me, never separate. There is no here or there, then and now, them and us. It’s all one. Right now. One thought. One breath. One cell of God.
 

I see how I am getting exactly what I need along the way. It’s not always what I want. It’s often not very pretty. I see all the teachers that have been in my life. Some I recognized at the time. Others I recognize only now. Through their sandpapering, through their reflections of me in them I have grown, despite my best efforts to stay the same. I am in gratitude and loving for these people. Some are still with me; others are with me only in my heart. Many are still to come. I thank you all.
 

I am embracing my limitations, understanding my motivations and seeing when I’m not so pure of heart. I am letting go of the need to defend or justify and simply say, “Yes, this is me. I did that.” In doing this I find that I am doubting less and trusting more, all the while my Soul is saying “remember… remember… remember, you are safe to be who you are.”
 

I see how often I have let doubt and discouragement be my guide and keep me small. I see the times that fear was in control and I stayed silent. I have become aware of the times when the victim in me would rob me of my power, or when I simply gave it away to another. And all the while my Soul is saying “remember… remember… remember, you’re a lion, not a lamb.”
 

I am embracing all those lost and disenfranchised parts of me that had been left behind. Those orphans who have gone unclaimed due to my confusion and ignorance. One by one they are detaching themselves from the past, from those situations where they were stuck in shock or fear or rage, or simply because they thought that’s where they belonged.
 

One by one they are returning to the Light, to the Loving, some running with arms out, others returning a bit grudgingly, asking “Where the hell have you been?” But one by one they are returning. I am becoming real and much loved, like the Velveteen Rabbit. I am opening my heart to myself and, in doing that, I am becoming more “of” me and less “about” me.
 

I see my life as my sacred creation. No more excuses; no more blaming or judgment. I am releasing it all so I can be free. Free to be who I Am, trusting that I am guided each step of the way.

 

~ Robert Frost

 

Dixie Clark,MS, MSS, LPC is Director and co-founder of Morning Star Center, a holistic wellness center. a licensed counselor and ordained minister, she holds a masters’ degree in both counseling and spiritual science and is currently obtaining her doctorate in spiritual science. With over 26 years experience in mind/body therapies, she combines psychology and spirituality to help people release emotional blocks, heal past trauma and change limiting beliefs to open to soul awareness.

Dixie Clark, MS, MSS, LPC | www.morningstarcenter.com | www.dixieclark.com

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